Going Solo?

Going Solo?

After my husband Dave died, I struggled with the idea of going alone in any area of my life. When I was in my forties, I was a lot more fearful of trying new things. I dragged my daughter to my first ballroom dance lesson and kayaking event.  I discovered I loved both ballroom dancing and kayaking. So did my daughter.  Trying new things moved me out of my comfort zone and I am seldom disappointed in the adventure.  

I am looking forward to the delivery of my first kayak this week. In my research, I found that the roof top, J hook kayak carrier and the downloader, I need to place on the top of my jeep will cost more than the kayak, paddle, life vest, and 2 dry bags altogether. Yet, I rationalize this is an investment in self-care. I love my mountain and forest views, but I am a water girl! I love the floating in the “middle of the Lake” perspective and view of the surrounding shorelines that only fish and birds get to see. I relish the profound sense of joy and peace I experience when floating in the middle of a lake in a kayak.

In order to experience the joy of floating, I will have to learn the new skills of loading and unloading my kayak into a nearby waterway. I am also sure my muscles will be taxed, but I have been warned that Colorado summers in the mountains go by quickly, so the kayak delivery is timely.

Why go solo? Having rented a two-seater kayak, I discovered that two people paddling can be challenging, when strengths and personalities are not in sync. It is easy to overpower one of the paddlers, and thus, end up zigzagging or rotating in circles away from the selected waterway. These events cause conflict, which is not what I seek when I go kayaking. I prefer the solo kayaking so I can select my destination, speed of paddling, and stopping when I just want to enjoy the view. I am not a loner, I do enjoy going kayaking with others, just as long as we each have our own kayak.

One of my Mom’s favorite quotes comes from J.R. Tolkien, “Not all who wander are lost.” There is a purpose to trying new things and destinations to be explored. There are new lifelong friends to be made. I am learning to embrace the freedom and privilege of going solo in this life.